I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
