It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
