Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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