dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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