Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i drank out of a bidet.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
