the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
