I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
