what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Buhtt sex?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
