You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
