Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
