i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
