i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
