is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
