You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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