Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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