had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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