i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
