Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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