I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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