just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
