Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
