the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
