I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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