She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
