I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
