and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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