There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
