We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
