no, he came in my armpit
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
