since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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