I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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