Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
