the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
