Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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