Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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