I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
