New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
