I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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