Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
