White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
