She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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