It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
