Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
