You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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