Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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