Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
