No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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