He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
