I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
