Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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