We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
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Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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