Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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