i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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