we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
