Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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