He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize