I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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