I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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