I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
