I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
