I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
