How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
