i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
