I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
