Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize