She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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