I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
