hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
