his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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