Do you still have your period?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
