Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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