Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
