here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
