The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
