At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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