He uses pillows to masturbate.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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