I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
