I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
