I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Someone came in the potted fern
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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