I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
