fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
