so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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