Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
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