i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
