On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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